Gas Pedals
Since I’ve become addicted to TED, I’ll be starting more conversations with “I saw this TED talk…”
I saw this TED talk that made me think about how the presenter’s advice related to my own career.
The presenter has three recommendations for women who decide to stay in the work force after they have a child:
- Sit at the table
- Make your partner a real partner
- Don’t leave before you leave
Sit at the table: Hey, I graduated from Wellesley, and I come from a whole clan of strong women. Of course I sit at the table. Of course I raise my hand. Of course I take advantage of opportunities. Then I thought about the time very early on in my career when my direct manager left the company, and I wondered why I didn’t apply for his position. I vaguely remember thinking at the time that I wasn’t qualified and didn’t have enough experience. My male friend who had been with the company the same amount of time as I had and who hadn’t been working the project got the job. Maybe I didn’t actually raise my hand as often as I should have. The author also notes that women who sit at the table aren’t typically well liked. I was told a few times that people were scared of me. At 5’1″, I was considered intimidating.
Make your partner a real partner: My husband is a wonderful person. I am told that all the time. And he really is (even though I find it annoying to hear it from others). He does a lot around the house. But I do more. (Which annoys him when I say it.) As the presenter notes, there are many reasons why this is true across a majority of households, and she asks “Who do you think drops out when someone needs to be home more?” In our case, it was me. It was what I wanted to do.
Don’t leave before you leave: Before I had my first child, I remember adamantly telling my friends at work there was no way I would reduce my work hours after I had the baby and that day care was perfectly good for babies. Then the thought struck me one night – Day care is good for babies. But not this baby. It was a full-fledged panic attack where I thought “I. CAN’T. DO. THIS.” I’ve worked part-time ever since. In her talk, the presenter says “Once you have a child at home, your job better be really good to go back, because it’s hard to leave that kid at home — your job needs to be challenging. It needs to be rewarding. You need to feel like you’re making a difference. And if two years ago you didn’t take that promotion and some guy next to you did, if three years ago you stopped looking for new opportunities, you’re going to be bored because you should have kept your foot on the gas pedal.” I’ve had my foot off the gas pedal for 25 years, so, yes, I was bored.
Do I regret my choices? Not at all. But I wish I had heard and listened to the above advice early on in my career. And I wish I had figured out how to keep my foot on the pedal of both cars I was driving.
Do I regret my choices? Not at all. But I wish I had heard and listened to the above advice early on in my career. And I wish I had figured out how to keep my foot on the pedal of both cars I was driving.
