4 Months

It’s been four months since I left the work force. Since I’m still very much interested in finding an additional source of income, I keep thinking about why I was unhappy where I was and what it is that would make me happy in a future job.  I still haven’t figured it out yet, but here are some things I’ve learned.

First, not working is far less stressful in terms of time management.  When I call a contractor or a doctor to schedule an appointment and they ask, “Is there a good day or time?” I have to suppress a giggle. They are all good. When something unexpected comes up at home, I can simply drop my rake and go take care of it without having to worry about how I’m going to make up the hours later in the week. When the girls are home from school, I get to hang out with them. (I’m not sure how excited they are about this, especially since I frequently suggest we clean out their closets as a way of having fun.)

The second relates to isolation. When I left work, I was worried about feeling isolated at home.  However, I’ve come to realize that I feel far less isolated at home than I did at work. At work, I could go a whole day sitting in my office without talking to anyone while hoping for an interesting email that was addressed to me personally rather than to a large corporate emailing list. That was largely my fault. I didn’t exactly venture outside of my office to start conversations, and I have this work ethic thing going on where I’m only comfortable doing work at work. So why do I feel less isolated at home?  Because I have plenty of interesting, in-depth conversations with my imaginary friends while weeding, or jogging, or driving, or writing this blog.

The third has to do with impact. Whenever I was looking for new assignments, my bosses would ask me what it was I wanted to do. I never had a good answer for them. All I knew was that I wanted to have an impact, and I relied on them to define impact. Over these past few months, I’ve been coming up with my own definition of impact. What impact am I having through DIY projects, gardening, and blogging? I feel I’m improving something at least a little. Or making something really nice. Or, in some instances, creating something that might even be considered beautiful.

I can deal with the stresses of time management, especially if I forgo the stresses of budget management. (There will always be something I stress about.) But I now know that I need to tackle feelings of isolation head-on, and I need to fix or create things (tangible or intangible). Even if that is just cleaning up a mess and getting it organized.