Heartaches

She is experiencing her first crush, and she is infatuated. She is riding high and is completely caught up in those feelings. I worry about how she will handle the heartache when it comes. The heartache might not happen soon, but it will happen.

I, on the other hand, have had many such experiences with plenty of associated heartaches. My longest lasting experience has endured for 15 years and has been the cause of my most recent heartache.

I, of course, am talking about my sister Jo and Cam Newton and me and Tom Brady.

Today, she continues to ride high while my heart is aching.

It’s not a devastating heartache though. There have been worse. Bad calls by refs, poor decisions by coaches or managers, insurmountable errors by the home team, and bubble gum catches by the opponent have caused bigger heartaches in the past. (Some may argue that some of those things happened in this game. I don’t think so.) Denver was a worthy opponent and we didn’t give it to them, so that makes the loss a tiny bit easier to take.

Still, I had a hard time sleeping last night, even with my melatonin. After tough losses like yesterday’s, I spend my waking hours at night analyzing the game and playing if-only scenarios.

Now, even though I have been watching football for 15 years, I still know very little about it. In fact, out of the 5 primary sports I watch, I probably understand the least about football rules and strategies. The only back I know is the quarterback. I have no idea what positions Edelman, Gronkowski, and Amendola play. I just know they play offense. Similarly, I know Chung, Hightower, and Butler play defense. Looking at a formation, I can’t tell if a passing play or a running play is coming up (I think I’ve recently come to realize it has something to do with where Tom Brady is standing). I also have no idea what a blitz is. (This is more than my sister knows. The only Panthers player she knows besides Cam is “the blind side guy”. But she is still a novice.)

My analysis might not be considered expert, but here are the if-onlys that ran through my mind last night:

• The first one is obvious. If only the most reliable kicker in the league had made that extra point.
• The second one is hindsight. If only Belichick had attempted the field goal rather than going for it on fourth down.
• If only the thin air hadn’t gotten to Gronkowski.
• If only we had all our weapons (like Lewis and Blount).
• If only Edelman hadn’t been out for a chunk of the season.
• If only we had elected to receive the ball in that overtime game against the Jets.
• If only the refs hadn’t made those terrible calls during the regular season game against Denver.
• If only I had made chili during the game rather than waiting until after.
• If only I had worn Patriot’s attire.
• If only I hadn’t had my coffee in my Red Sox mug that morning.

Last night, Dave kept harping on the regular season game with Miami as his primary if-only scenario. But I didn’t really watch that game, so I don’t know how valid that scenario is. During that game, I was working on disconnecting the kitchen sink, and I kept going in to check on the game. But it turns out, I was watching the tape of the Jets game. While watching it, I kept thinking “Haven’t I already seen this play?” and “Didn’t we already play the Jets?” So, I got to experience that overtime loss twice. Once I realized what I had done (after the coin toss fiasco), I didn’t have the energy to switch to the Miami game. Yes, this is very embarrassing to admit.

After watching the Panthers game, I think my sister will be okay through the end of this season. I think Denver will put up more of a fight than Arizona (now that was embarrassing). We will see how Cam does when Peyton doesn’t simply hand the ball back to him and when he has nanoseconds, rather than oodles of time, to make the pass. But, when it comes down to it, I don’t think there is any stopping Cam right now.

I will be happy for her. At least I will pretend to be.

And I promise to do my job next season.